Archive for Stu Cranstence

Stu explains more about The Missing Link

An authority on evolution

What is the MISSING LINK?

The missing link was lost over a HUNDRED YEARS AGO.  Darwin (no one knows his last name) called it the ‘Holy Grail’ of science.  He searched the globe for this elusive treasure which he knew would bring him fame and riches.  He nearly found it in a cave but a GIANT BOULDER came rolling down at  him and he barely escaped with his life.  Even the huge bull whip he carried with him was useless against such a boulder.

Now You Know

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January 19, 2010 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

Stu and the “Missing Link”

Stu Cranstence: soon to make another major discovery?

When will scientists find the MISSING LINK?

Scientists have been trying to find the MISSING LINK for over A HUNDRED YEARS.  It is very hard to find because it is made out of CAMOUFLAGE.  The scientist who finally finds the MISSING LINK will become very famous and people will stop ignoring him and will ask him to do an interview on a real T.V. show.  He will go to SCIENTIFIC CONFERENCES and no one will laugh at him. He will find the MISSING LINK inside the perimeter on his next expedition because then everyone will say he is the TOP SCIENTIST.

Now You Know!

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January 16, 2010 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

Stu on Darwin

An authority on evolution

An authority on evolution

How did Darwin invent evolution?

Darwin (no one knows his last name) invented evolution nearly a hundred years ago.  One day he was walking in the forest and he saw five or six figures standing in a line.  The first one was a monkey walking on all fours.  The next one was standing a little straighter and by the time you got to the last one it was a man standing straight up! The disgusting thing is that the man was nude!  You couldn’t see his you know what because one leg was going forward, blocking the view. Even if you hold the page at an angle and look really close, you can’t see anything.
Then Darwin wanted to invent National Selection.  In a very famous incident he strapped a really ugly man to a table and turned the crank so the rope would pull the table up to the ceiling.  Then lightning struck and as they say, ‘The rest is a mystery’.

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November 28, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

Stu on Geology

Stu Cranstence teaches about geology, a subject he knows like the back of his hand.

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November 24, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

Stu has his findings verified

An authority on ancient pottery
An authority on ancient pottery
Question: Are your findings scientific?
Answer: For your information, my brother, Ron, took some of my findings (ancient pottery) to an actual university scientist who told Ron that, YES they do have a scientific name for these findings.  According to this scientist, these findings are called “droppings”.    I don’t need the establishment to tell me that my findings are legitimate  but for those doubters out there, ‘read it and weep’.  You can see me actually making these findings in a video that Ron made called,  ‘Stu Cranstence collects his findings’.
Thanks again to my brother Ron.  He enables me to do all the things I do!
Now you know!

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November 18, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

Stu on Dislodgication

Stu Crastence lets us in on his secret weapon to find findings.

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November 6, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

The truth about trees

 

Stu Cranstence answers a tricky question from Percival. Here is Stu at his best, holding forth on a subject he knows a lot about. He warns us about pointy trees because they are an endanger to the public.

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October 20, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

Stu on endangered birds

Millicent has an excellent question for Stu Cranstence. Stu, who is an authority on endangered birds, enlightens us all with his vast pool of knowledge.

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October 15, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

Proof that Stu has found Mastodon remains

mastadon

In an answer to his critics we here provide scientific proof of Stu Cranstence’s findings. In this screen shot from Stu’s film available for viewing here you can see clear incontrovertible evidence that Stu has found Mastodon remains. This was shot in the parking lot where a scientific conference was about to take place. Stu’s keen eye found this startling evidence of Mastodon activity. Remarkable!

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October 7, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

Stu on Mastodons

An authority on Mountain Lions

An authority on Mastodons

A question I am often asked:  How are you able to find so many MASTODON bones and when will the Mastodons return?
The most effective way to find Mastodon bones is by remaining in the perimeter. When you STRAY outside the perimeter it can be hard to locate the cooler and that will become a real distraction. I would suggest looking near the car. The car tires often DISLODGE Mastodon bones in a process known as dislogication.
Mastodons have not been seen alive in West America for over a hundred years! They will most likely return when their wicked queen has been killed. What a great day it will be when the queen is finally eliminated. A great ceremony will be held and the great king will rightly take his place as the true ruler of the Mastodons.

Now you know!

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October 5, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

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