Stu on Darwin

An authority on evolution

An authority on evolution

How did Darwin invent evolution?

Darwin (no one knows his last name) invented evolution nearly a hundred years ago.  One day he was walking in the forest and he saw five or six figures standing in a line.  The first one was a monkey walking on all fours.  The next one was standing a little straighter and by the time you got to the last one it was a man standing straight up! The disgusting thing is that the man was nude!  You couldn’t see his you know what because one leg was going forward, blocking the view. Even if you hold the page at an angle and look really close, you can’t see anything.
Then Darwin wanted to invent National Selection.  In a very famous incident he strapped a really ugly man to a table and turned the crank so the rope would pull the table up to the ceiling.  Then lightning struck and as they say, ‘The rest is a mystery’.

Now you know!

November 28, 2009 · Filed under Stu Cranstence

6 Comments

  1. jason smith Said,

    November 28, 2009 @ 5:55 pm

    Thanks Stu! If it weren’t for the dirt under your nails, I don’t know if I would believe you; but it is totally obvious that you are legit. By the way: What is the Darwinian Gap?

  2. Stu Cranstence Said,

    November 30, 2009 @ 12:46 pm

    Jason,
    For your information, the Darwinian Gap is an aspect of science that is studied by certain scientists. Did you know that most people don’t have the slightest idea of what’s going on? In a very famous incident a man was sleeping in his bed and he didn’t even know that there was the head of a horse in his bed. When he woke up he started screaming because he couldn’t believe a horse’s head got in there. Now he knows better. Lesson learned!!

  3. Kate Said,

    December 1, 2009 @ 6:45 am

    Whenever I visit your site, I learn something marvelous and useful, too. I have seen pictures of those five or six figures, and they are EXACTLY as you describe. I have never before understood with such clarity the reason the monkey was hunched over. I always thought he couldn’t help it–you know, bad posture.

  4. Lorb Lorbson Said,

    December 1, 2009 @ 12:55 pm

    Dear Stu,
    I just wanted to let you know that I think it’s great what your doing. All this stuff is way over my head but it’s good to know that smart people like you are clearing up things for people and answering their questions.
    I also wanted to give your followers some good news regarding my singing! I was recently contacted by the legendary music venue, the Cherpintera. And they want me to perform on their stage in front of an audience!
    This is NOT an open mic! All this coincides with the release of more of my scat!! This new box set is called, Another Big Box of Scat. And, yes. It does have ALL the out takes from ALL the sessions. These are the takes that have many mistakes, sour notes, dragging tempos etc. etc. etc. And there is plenty of my “Growler” singing and “Growler Scat” singing which, of course means “The Bad Bad LeRoy Brown Growler Scat”!!! Everything is happening so fast!
    Thanks, Stu. And , please, I’d love to hear your feedback on my singing.
    Affectionately, Lorb Lorbson

  5. Stu Cranstence Said,

    December 1, 2009 @ 12:58 pm

    Lorbson,
    I have no idea or interest in what you are talking about.
    Stu Cranstence

  6. Old Pappy Said,

    December 9, 2009 @ 5:44 pm

    If I had a choice I don’t think I would select my lower parts. It ain’t natural to take pills 4 times a day just to “whee”. I still walk on all fours when I get out of bed. What helps is to take a dose of “Strongback”–it’s a mysterious ointment from Australia or somewhere. I hope nature hasn’t left me out of its processes.