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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Viewer Discretion Strongly Advised

March 14th, 2010 11 comments

Stu Cranstence teaches the public about “Areas” and his “Findings” while bravely battling the side effects of various Juggernaut Pharmaceuticals products.

Stu on Darwin

November 28th, 2009 6 comments
An authority on evolution

An authority on evolution

How did Darwin invent evolution?

Darwin (no one knows his last name) invented evolution nearly a hundred years ago.  One day he was walking in the forest and he saw five or six figures standing in a line.  The first one was a monkey walking on all fours.  The next one was standing a little straighter and by the time you got to the last one it was a man standing straight up! The disgusting thing is that the man was nude!  You couldn’t see his you know what because one leg was going forward, blocking the view. Even if you hold the page at an angle and look really close, you can’t see anything.
Then Darwin wanted to invent National Selection.  In a very famous incident he strapped a really ugly man to a table and turned the crank so the rope would pull the table up to the ceiling.  Then lightning struck and as they say, ‘The rest is a mystery’.

Now you know!

Stu on Geology

November 24th, 2009 5 comments

Stu Cranstence teaches about geology, a subject he knows like the back of his hand.

Stu on Dislodgication

November 6th, 2009 2 comments

Stu Crastence lets us in on his secret weapon to find findings.

Stryreechlinstral T-shirts now available

November 2nd, 2009 No comments
The t-shirt

The Front

The back

The back

 

Finally the Stryreechlinstral t-shirts have arrived! Be the first person on your block to own this piece of history!! Just click on the image of the front of the t-shirt above and it will take you to the Rhodesandrose store where all your dreams can come true.

Categories: The Ads Tags: , ,

The truth about trees

October 20th, 2009 7 comments

 

Stu Cranstence answers a tricky question from Percival. Here is Stu at his best, holding forth on a subject he knows a lot about. He warns us about pointy trees because they are an endanger to the public.

Press release #3499

June 20th, 2009 4 comments
my findings, MY findings

Already a bestseller!!!

NailGun Promotions is proud to announce that Stu Cranstence’s book “my findings, MY findings” is already a #1 bestseller. NailGun Promotions has purchased 67 million copies of the book and will make them available for sale to the general public. That means it’s already a bestseller, that’s smart! There have been reports in the media that Stu has not actually finished or even started writing this book, this could not be more false.  Rootsin Toobers

Categories: Stu Cranstence Tags: , , ,

Steve Climber upset about Flextrek Augmenteon ad

June 5th, 2009 1 comment

Industry insiders report tension at a meeting between Steve Climber, world renowned naturalist, and Rootsin Toobers, CEO and head of marketing at NailGun Promotions who produced this ad. Steve, who is also known as “Marathon” Climber, has a reputation for delivering long public lectures that have been described as “thorough” and “a bit dry”. He reportedly expressed discomfort  at the tone of the Flextrek 37 Trillion AUGMENTEON ad. Rootsin responded with a stream of profanity and verbal abuse and reminded Steve that he was under a lifetime contract to NailGun Promotions. Rootsin was heard repeatedly saying  “listen Climber, get with the program!” Steve reportedly left the meeting in tears.

Lorb Lorbson sings “Rain Stain” at the legendary Cherinpintera

May 24th, 2009 6 comments

Any performance by the one and only Lorb Lorbson is a treasure, and here is one that is a gem of rare beauty!  Thought to be lost or intentionally destroyed, this video was found by Ron Cranstence, who was there that magical evening at the legendary Cheripintera so many years ago.  If you have a pair of head phones, try listening carefully for Lorb’s  flawless pitch and articulation.  With care its also possible to actually hear the  maitrde’s announcements which leaked onto the audio portion of the tape.  Also, you may be able to spot Ron Cranstence who was working as the sound man that night.  Lorb loved performing  at the Chairpintera.  He would have one of the famous Cheripintera spinach salads and then take over the stage!  Enjoy!

LORB LIVE

LORB LIVE

Categories: Lorb Lorbson Tags: , , ,

Flextrek 37 Trillion

May 22nd, 2009 3 comments

TECR posted the following comment on the Flextrek 37 Trillion:
“You suckers, this is total crap made in China. “M-series” is a complete Arcteryx ripoff and i’m sure they’re suing. Plus, no one uses turgid spring release action anymore, please. Plus, hyperflex enforcement was tried, tested, and failed miserably by Hugh Grant with that ho. Plus, you can see very clearly in that fall that the pack is empty – bogus! Plus, I totally don’t buy his dominance of the landscape. Plus Archwood’s warranty repair is for sh*t. Plus, Steve’s lectures are a bore. Pls.”

steve1

The response from Rootsin Toobers:
To trecr, First of all, the good people at Archwood welcome your feedback and thank you for taking the time to give us your input!  Everything in your comment is wrong. All Archwood products, including the Flextrk 37 Trillion, are the best products in the world. We take pride in their quality and although it is certainly a long term goal of ours, at this time none of our products are manufactured in China. Perhaps the most erroneous of your comments is your characterization of Steve Climber’s lectures as boring. Just because they are long and people don’t stay until the end does not mean these lectures are boring.  We recently received a comment from someone who claims to have enjoyed a part of Steve’s most recent lecture. To put it simply, Steve Climber is ‘Nature’s Ultimate Enthusiast’.
Sincerely,
Rootsin Toobers
Archwood Head of Marketing

Larry Shockra: Yoga Master

May 19th, 2009 No comments

Larry Shockra is excited to announce that he is a Yoga Master! Here’s a video clip of Larry demonstrating just a few of the groundbreaking techniques that he came up with all on his own. These methods and positions and are not from some bygone era in a long  ago distant past before the future. No. This is a yoga program pulled right out of Larry, by Larry! Learn positions like ‘The Bicycle’, ‘The Poking You in the Eye’, ‘The Knee Surprise’  by the man who actually made them up. Participate in a terrifying,  ‘Dinosaur Meditation.’ Finally, yoga taught to you through song and lecture by the one and only Larry Shockra.

What an honor for you to sing along with Larry, in this achingly beautiful presentation, ‘I’m winning at yoga every downward doggone day!’

Categories: Larry Shockra Tags: , ,