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New and Improved Flextrek

January 8th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

The new and improved Flextrek 37,000,000,000,000 will blow you away with how convenient it is. Follow along with the patented CLIC method of adjustment. It’s so easy!

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  1. May 19th, 2010 at 07:51 | #1

    Let’s face it boys, I’m old but I’m alert enough to be a multitasker. I just got my Flextrek in the mail.I’m assembling it as we speak/write. But guess what? I’m puttin’ a swivel on mine so I can make it go high-portrait mode, or horizontal-lanscape mode. For horizontal I’m putting some motion detectors and metal detectors on the outside of it so I can find stuff while I hike!! The military might have uses–put concertina wire around it. Bombs attached to it. Who knows the posssibilities?

  2. January 13th, 2010 at 11:46 | #2

    Derek,
    The bad news is, if you use the CLIC METHOD out of sequence you’ll need to buy a new Flextrek 37,000,000,000,000 (read the fine print on your warranty). The good news is that the FlexTrek 37,000,000,000,000 can be your EVERYDAY pack. That’s a good feeling!
    Rootsin Toobers

  3. Old Pappy
    January 12th, 2010 at 13:15 | #3

    Let’s face it boys, I’m old but I’m alert enough to be a multitasker. I just got my Flextrek in the mail.I’m assembling it as we speak/write. But guess what? I’m puttin’ a swivel on mine so I can make it go high-portrait mode, or horizontal-lanscape mode. For horizontal I’m putting some motion detectors and metal detectors on the outside of it so I can find stuff while I hike!! The military might have uses–put concertina wire around it. Bombs attached to it. Who knows the posssibilities?

  4. Derek
    January 12th, 2010 at 11:05 | #4

    I am in need of technical support. I accidentally adjusted the O-ring on my flextrek 37,000,000,000,000 BEFORE applying the tape. Even after the do-over I am unable to get my flextrek fully-extended. Any suggestions?

  5. January 10th, 2010 at 12:55 | #5

    Myrtle,
    I’m probably the most qualified to answer many of the questions you raise.
    First of all, ALL women are afraid of spiders and bats- and for good reason. Most women are bitten by vampire bats. Many myths surround this phenomenon. For example there is a myth that vampires can only be killed by driving a wooden stake through their heart. The reality is that there are many ways to kill a vampire. But not for women. So, that answers the question of whether women should be allowed in wilderness areas.
    As for spiders, I only need to mention the BLACK WIDOW. This insect (a creature with six legs) is as scary as it’s name sounds. Ask your lifeguard if the beach your at is safe for swimming.

  6. January 10th, 2010 at 11:52 | #6

    To Steve Climber,
    Expect a call from our lawyers.
    Rootsin Toobers
    Archwood Head of Promotions

  7. January 10th, 2010 at 11:48 | #7

    Myrtle,
    Mr. Toobers is well aware of the relationship between my penis and the FlexTrek 37,000,000,000,000. Although, he feigns ignorance on the topic, he knows quite a lot. Who do you think came up with the brilliant idea of anchoring the pack to to someone’s genitals? It certainly wasn’t me! I realize that I signed a contract with Archwood and I have every intention of living up to it. I am bound by that contract to not speak about Archwood products outside the official promotional campaign. So i will not express my opinion on the Flex Trek 37,000,000,000,000 anchoring system. I will leave that up to the common sense of people.
    Steve Climber

  8. January 10th, 2010 at 11:35 | #8

    Myrtle,
    Your questions are all good ones (as are all questions I receive as head of promotions here at Archwood).
    First, any woman can wear the Flex Trek 37,000,000,000,000, even women who don’t have a penis. In fact, ALL women should buy The Flex Trek 37,000,000,000,000. As far as your broader question of whether or not women should be allowed in the wilderness, the important thing to keep in mind is that Flex Trek 37,000,000,000,000 is the right pack for EVERYONE. I tell women, and everyone else, to make it your everyday pack. Let’s get beyond these boundaries that only separate people and start buying more Archwood products. As far as anchoring it to one’s penis. That question should be directed to Steve
    Climber himself. Finally, Myrtle, you ask me about intimidating or feeling as one with your surroundings.
    I ask you Myrtle. Why chose between the two when you can have both?

  9. Myrtle
    January 9th, 2010 at 17:15 | #9

    I was wondering if one anchors the Flextrek to the penis. I cannot tell from the videos but if it does, can a woman who does not have a penis use the Flextrek? Also, should a women even be out in the wilderness? I am a bit afraid of spiders. Do you think spiders would be attracted to the Flextrek 37,000,000,000,000? What about bats? I am also concerned about “intimidating my surroundings”. I consider myself one with all of creation (except spiders) and would not want to intimidate myself. Could the Flextrek help me to feel as one with my surroundings (except spiders) or is it just too intimidating?

  10. Gordon M. Latta
    January 8th, 2010 at 22:21 | #10

    My new Flextrek 37,000,000,000,000 is truly amazing! It is so comfortable that while I’m wearing it I can’t even feel the lower part of my body!!! It is truly amazing!!!!

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