Archive for October, 2009

Steve Climber spotted in Ca. desert

October 27th, 2009 7 comments
Steve Climber: The outdoor's ultimate enthusiast

Steve Climber: The outdoor's ultimate enthusiast

Steve Climber was spotted in the Mojave desert recently sporting his world famous “French Wedge” hiking gear and wearing what looks like a fully loaded backpack (You may have to scroll up and down to see the entire pack). Rumor has it that Steve was working on a new ad for the good people at Archwood. Could this be a new model to replace the Flextrek 37 Trillion? Stay tuned.

The truth about trees

October 20th, 2009 7 comments


Stu Cranstence answers a tricky question from Percival. Here is Stu at his best, holding forth on a subject he knows a lot about. He warns us about pointy trees because they are an endanger to the public.

Stu on endangered birds

October 15th, 2009 7 comments

Millicent has an excellent question for Stu Cranstence. Stu, who is an authority on endangered birds, enlightens us all with his vast pool of knowledge.

Juggernaut releases Lethalis

October 9th, 2009 9 comments

In response to the overwhelming demand for a drug to counteract the effects of Stryreechlinstral, Juggernaut has released Lethalis! Thanks to Rootsin Toobers of NailGun Promotions for coming up with the name of the drug and the ad campaign! Rootsin has received negative feedback for some of his choices for drug names in the past, but this one is a winner for sure!

Proof that Stu has found Mastodon remains

October 7th, 2009 1 comment


In an answer to his critics we here provide scientific proof of Stu Cranstence’s findings. In this screen shot from Stu’s film available for viewing here you can see clear incontrovertible evidence that Stu has found Mastodon remains. This was shot in the parking lot where a scientific conference was about to take place. Stu’s keen eye found this startling evidence of Mastodon activity. Remarkable!

Stu on Mastodons

October 5th, 2009 4 comments
An authority on Mountain Lions

An authority on Mastodons

A question I am often asked:  How are you able to find so many MASTODON bones and when will the Mastodons return?
The most effective way to find Mastodon bones is by remaining in the perimeter. When you STRAY outside the perimeter it can be hard to locate the cooler and that will become a real distraction. I would suggest looking near the car. The car tires often DISLODGE Mastodon bones in a process known as dislogication.
Mastodons have not been seen alive in West America for over a hundred years! They will most likely return when their wicked queen has been killed. What a great day it will be when the queen is finally eliminated. A great ceremony will be held and the great king will rightly take his place as the true ruler of the Mastodons.

Now you know!

Ron Cranstence answers the critics

October 2nd, 2009 3 comments
Ron Cranstence

Ron Cranstence

I feel the need to answer some of  Stu Cranstence’s critics. He has received a large amount of negative press lately. Some “people” seem to have issues with the way Stu conducts his scientific expeditions. Maybe he doesn’t read a lot of “books”, maybe he isn’t spending all his time in a “research laboratory”, maybe he hasn’t been “published”, maybe his “findings” have been “questioned”. Stu doesn’t waste a lot of time on his expeditions “documenting” where he finds things, he doesn’t “toe the line” with the “status quo”. What he does is find findings and he finds good findings by using his “eyes” and his “ears” and looking where others thought there was “nothing but junk”. Who else has found twelve hundred pounds worth of  Mastodon remains (yet to be verified) that are on my back porch right now, nobody, that’ s who. So I tell his critics “just you wait, someday Stu Cranstence will find something interesting  and then how will you feel?”

I’m Ron Cranstence