Archive for May, 2009

Noel’s spectacular trip to Hawaii

May 31st, 2009 No comments

What a spectacular vacation! Take a trip with Noel Rhodes to scenic Hawaii.  Gasp at the stunningly gorgeous view from his hotel room. Follow along as he discovers ancient runes carved on an ancient cave wall.  Swoon at his handsome features and admire the fine hat that he found with built in sunglasses!  A trip to remember!!!

Noel in his fine hat

Noel in his fine hat

Categories: Noel Rhodes Tags: , ,

Stu Cranstence makes findings on the way to the conference

May 28th, 2009 1 comment

Stu and his brother, Ron, drive to a much anticipated conference. This will be Stu’s first conference since the disasterous one in which female scientists laughed at him and his diagram didn’t turn out like he planned.  During this drive to the conference Stu enlightens any who would listen on unbelievable archeological phenomenon that are everywhere he looks.  Listen for the joy in his voice as he describes a powerful ancient king who has the queen executed in an elaborate ritual sacrifice.  Oh no! Stu has a problem!  What will he do to remedy the fact that he didn’t bring his findings to the conference?

Categories: Stu Cranstence Tags: , , , ,

Lorb Lorbson sings “Rain Stain” at the legendary Cherinpintera

May 24th, 2009 6 comments

Any performance by the one and only Lorb Lorbson is a treasure, and here is one that is a gem of rare beauty!  Thought to be lost or intentionally destroyed, this video was found by Ron Cranstence, who was there that magical evening at the legendary Cheripintera so many years ago.  If you have a pair of head phones, try listening carefully for Lorb’s  flawless pitch and articulation.  With care its also possible to actually hear the  maitrde’s announcements which leaked onto the audio portion of the tape.  Also, you may be able to spot Ron Cranstence who was working as the sound man that night.  Lorb loved performing  at the Chairpintera.  He would have one of the famous Cheripintera spinach salads and then take over the stage!  Enjoy!



Categories: Lorb Lorbson Tags: , , ,

Stu Cranstence heads to another scientific conference

May 23rd, 2009 2 comments

Ride along with Stu Cranstence as he makes his way to a scientific conference. On the way he points out some things like how certain natural formations were formed and discovers clear evidence of ancient ceremonies performed by the ancient king in this area. He teaches  us about the dangerous mountain lion and it’s habits at certain times of the year.  Stu thinks he may have to stop on the way and get some more findings, because he wants to make sure that he impresses the scientists. The rest of the trip will be covered in a subsequent video.

The ‘My Conjugial Partner Collection’ is complete!

May 23rd, 2009 2 comments

The Reverend Martin Pryke
The Reverend Martin Pryke


Click on the Rhodes and Rose Store link to explore the “My Conjugial Partner Collection”

Own an authentic piece of Academy of the New Church history! This series of drawings was created by an actual Academy of the New Church High School student as he sat in the classroom of the legendary Academy religion teacher, the Reverend Martin Pryke.  In 1981, as a senior, award winning artist, Owen Rose, crafted these striking portraits of imagined partners who might share with him not only life in this world but also all eternity in heaven.  Collect all fourteen of these maidens, immortalized on coffee mugs, clocks and American Apparel 100% cotton T-shirts. And for the ladies, Owen Rose will soon make available a new line of male conjugial partners! Wow!

Categories: comedy Tags: , , ,

Flextrek 37 Trillion

May 22nd, 2009 3 comments

TECR posted the following comment on the Flextrek 37 Trillion:
“You suckers, this is total crap made in China. “M-series” is a complete Arcteryx ripoff and i’m sure they’re suing. Plus, no one uses turgid spring release action anymore, please. Plus, hyperflex enforcement was tried, tested, and failed miserably by Hugh Grant with that ho. Plus, you can see very clearly in that fall that the pack is empty – bogus! Plus, I totally don’t buy his dominance of the landscape. Plus Archwood’s warranty repair is for sh*t. Plus, Steve’s lectures are a bore. Pls.”


The response from Rootsin Toobers:
To trecr, First of all, the good people at Archwood welcome your feedback and thank you for taking the time to give us your input!  Everything in your comment is wrong. All Archwood products, including the Flextrk 37 Trillion, are the best products in the world. We take pride in their quality and although it is certainly a long term goal of ours, at this time none of our products are manufactured in China. Perhaps the most erroneous of your comments is your characterization of Steve Climber’s lectures as boring. Just because they are long and people don’t stay until the end does not mean these lectures are boring.  We recently received a comment from someone who claims to have enjoyed a part of Steve’s most recent lecture. To put it simply, Steve Climber is ‘Nature’s Ultimate Enthusiast’.
Rootsin Toobers
Archwood Head of Marketing

Larry Shockra: Yoga Master

May 19th, 2009 No comments

Larry Shockra is excited to announce that he is a Yoga Master! Here’s a video clip of Larry demonstrating just a few of the groundbreaking techniques that he came up with all on his own. These methods and positions and are not from some bygone era in a long  ago distant past before the future. No. This is a yoga program pulled right out of Larry, by Larry! Learn positions like ‘The Bicycle’, ‘The Poking You in the Eye’, ‘The Knee Surprise’  by the man who actually made them up. Participate in a terrifying,  ‘Dinosaur Meditation.’ Finally, yoga taught to you through song and lecture by the one and only Larry Shockra.

What an honor for you to sing along with Larry, in this achingly beautiful presentation, ‘I’m winning at yoga every downward doggone day!’

Categories: Larry Shockra Tags: , ,

Cren beer

May 14th, 2009 6 comments

number one

Twenty five years ago we set out to do just one thing. Create a beer that everyone in the world loves. And so Cren was born!
In this vintage Cren advertisement, return to a golden bygone era when life was simple and wholesome. When people knew right from wrong and everyone in the world loved a beer that made all things possible.
Today in  this world of modern times, we at Cren still strive to do just one thing: create a beer that everyone in the world will love.  So, watch for a new ad from Cren, an ad that will show the world how much they love the beer that we will create: a beer called…  Cren.
Categories: The Ads Tags: , ,

Stu Cranstence collects his findings

May 12th, 2009 5 comments

Here we see ole Stu at work in the field discovering his findings. He displays his unique discovering style in action. You can see him discover a remarkable double mushroom which Stu may have misidentified, but we haven’t catalogued it yet. Isn’t it something the way he makes all those dicoveries at the end of his expedition and loads them into the vehicle? You can also see how attached Stu is to his beer cooler. He likes to reassure himself by patting it and regularly checking it’s contents to make sure he is well stocked. How remarkable to find those ancient rocks in a circular configuration! The ancient pottery he found is amazing! Why doesn’t Stu get the credit that he deserves for making such great discoveries?

Lorb Lorbson Live at the Cheripintera

May 10th, 2009 2 comments
The Legendary Lorb Lorbson

The Legendary Lorb Lorbson

Lorb Lorbson Live at the Cheripintera
What a performance! If you listened carefully you could actually hear the audience reacting to his lyrics. This was from the glory days of the legendary venue The Cheripintera. Lorb Lorbson, what can you say about Lorb Lorbson. He’s a genius songwriter with such a magical performance style. Please tune in for additional performances from Lorb. Ron Cranstence recorded several of his best loved songs on video and they have been rediscovered and are now being released to the adoring public. What a gift to the ages, Thanks Ron!!!!